you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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