A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
