shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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