All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
