party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
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