i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
