She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
