he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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