Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
