Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
