That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
