when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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