If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
