I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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