forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
