all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
