Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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