You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
