Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
