I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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