the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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