Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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