Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize
