There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
