why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
