I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can I color on your dick again?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
