Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
