there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
