John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
