great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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