I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
