Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
