it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
