and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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