you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
