....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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