The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
