You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
