Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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