Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
