you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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