At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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