I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
