She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
