I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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