I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't turn off my feet"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
