Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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