I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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