Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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