Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
