ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
